Bryce Zabel's FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH

Writing on the Wall?

Fighting Words

The program I write most of my scripts on is "Screenwriter."  It's got a great look and feel.  They have a new program they're marketing now called "Streamline" which, without cheating, gives writers input and tools about changes they might make to shorten their scripts.  This is good news because most methods of making a script shorter also make it look crammed and unreadable and, the truth is, anyone who knows anything about scripts knows it's been cheated anyway, so what's the point?

I digress.  In the mailing today about this new product are some words that could strike fear in the halls of Microsoft.

"Streamline 1.0 is available for Macintosh only.  Streamline for Windows is in development, but no release date has been announced."

That's right.  The program is built for Macs first.  Windows is the afterthought.  Wow.  Maybe that says something about how screenwriters favor Macs, but it struck me as the thought for the day.  "Macintosh only."

Dear AT&T Yahoo: Why I Really Really Hate You

Last year we received word that our internet service provider SBC was going to take the name of AT&T Yahoo.  We were assured it was just a formality, that we'd keep our old email address and nothing would really change.

Oh yeah?

First we received instructions about how we had to change some of our settings, etc. which we wanted to do but they were difficult to understand.  So we wanted to talk to someone.  That was not fun.  It was almost impossible to get a live human being but, eventually, we did and, with this tech support person on the phone, we dutifully fulfilled all their demands.

Okay, we thought, that was a hassle but now we're good to go.  Not so fast!

Maybe four months ago, we received this email with the slugline, "Message from Yahoo!"

Insert Caption Here: Words & Pictures with Attitude

We get mail.  And some of you seem to really like the less-than-reverent way we treat the publicity stills that the studios put out to promote their films on our Movie Smackdown! sister site.

Armed only with an iMac, some Comic Life Magiq software, and a serious authority issue, we've been giving them the treatment for a few months now.

The idea is to take these common photos and spin the hell out of them so they make their own artistic statement independent of the reviews.  We want to present them in a way that you can't get anywhere else.  And we want to make movie stars and the characters they play say what we want them to say for a change, okay?

So now we've collected our first batch all in one place where you can look at them full-screen, download them or -- and this is the hot tip -- even play them as a slide-show (the button's right underneath the banner). Click on the photo to the left or the link below and see for yourself.  The actual Comix take a few seconds to load because they're high res (like we said, it's art, baby)... but it's worth it...

http://www.moviesmackdown.tv

Do You Know This Artist?

A few years ago, while I was trying to teach myself whatever the program that came with Windows XP was (Microsoft Paint?), I found some photos on the internet, played around with them in the program and forgot about them.

Some of them are so great, like this one, that I'd like to ask the artist if I can use them with his/her permission on this blog, for example. So, if you are the artist, or you know who the artist is, please add a comment to this post or write me.

God of War II (2007) -vs- God of War (2005)

Videogame Review by Jonathan Zabel

The Smackdown.  The "God of War" franchise is one of only a select few based on original IP that have broken out into major mainstream success.  Hard as it might be to believe today, SONY took a pretty big risk when they greenlit the original, "God of War."  We do live in the age of movie tie-ins and sequels, after all.  I can only imagine the reaction from execs when legendary designer David Jaffe gave them his first elevator pitch:  "There's this bald Greek dude, Kratos, OK?  And the gods screwed him over!  Armed with only a kilt, a bunch of body paint, and the two swords chained to his arms, he's going to get revenge..." But they bought it, obviously, because we have "God of War II" to play now.

"Griffins are mythical beasts with the body of a lion and the wings of an eagle... but don't worry, I fixed the second part."

The Challenger.  When you're making the sequel to an almost universally acclaimed game, you've basically got two options:  (1) Change as little as possible and improve by degrees or (2) spend the goodwill of the fans trying out innovative new mechanics.  SONY Santa Monica took the conventional path with "God of War II," but I can't say I really fault them for it.  Everything has been dialed up to 11 both in terms of scale and intensity.  Let's take the opening stage as an example, in which Kratos is drained of his godly powers and forced to square off against the humongous Colossus of Rhodes (which has been granted ghastly life by a vengeful Athena).  It chases you across the entire island as you frantically attempt to slow it down by breaking its arms and cutting out both of its eyes.  Eventually, you climb inside the statue and deliver the final blow using a sword given to you by Zeus himself.  Did I forget to mention that was the first level?

"Where's Harry Hamlin when you need him?"

The Defending Champion.  "God of War" impressed critics and gamers alike not because it was original, but rather because it took almost every concept that action games have been trying to do for years... and it did them right.  Most of the gameplay revolves around the combat, which is context-based.  Press the correct button or sequence of buttons at the right time and you'll perform a devastating finishing move.  You can never behead enough Gorgons if you ask me!  As far the story goes, there's no argument that ashen-skinned Kratos is a certifiable badass in addition to being one of the most unrepentant anti-heroes gaming has ever seen.  Finding out the true reason behind his unflinching desire to kill Ares (the God of War), regardless of how it might damn him, is a surprisingly compelling story considering the medium in which it's being told.

The Scorecard.   "God of War II" is, in many ways, simply the logical extension of the first game, but that doesn't mean there aren't some meaningful differences between the two.  More specifically, the plot of the second feels like a "greatest hits" compilation of Greek mythology, as you cut down heroes like Perseus (who killed Medusa), Theseus (who killed the Minotaur of Crete) and anyone else who happens to also be seeking out the Sisters of Fate to change their destiny.  Admittedly, having to pause to go Wikipedia a mythical figure or three is a bit distracting...

Another Thing to Love/Hate About Computers

So today is my birthday and, no, I don't talk about the number although, if you read this blog, you can pretty much work it out for yourself. But I figure, I work in Hollywood, why make it easy for anybody? For a clue, consult the picture to the left for style references from an earlier birthday party... the hair itself is a precursor to Ed Grimley which is itself a precursor to... never mind...

For years, I got a collection of cards every year from all kinds of people. Then it dwindled down to family and a few close friends. Eventually, even my family stopped giving me a card.

Now I'm getting cards again but they're all coming from computers. Apparently, my birthday pops up on people's contact list, they send out an e-card and my mailbox gets some action. Some of them are really, really clever and funny. And, frankly, they're more environmentally friendly than even a recycled card so that's all good.

Now the only real, physical cards I get are signed by my stockbroker's office where everyone on the staff signs them. As soon as the edict about being more "green" comes down from corporate, I'm sure those will stop soon.

Apple and the Beatles Come Together

Apple, the computer company, made peace today with Apple, the music company, over who gets to use the logo and in what way. This means that the way is paved for a deal which will soon bring Beatles music to iTunes at long last.

It was a kick seeing who could do a stronger backflip to get a Beatles song metaphor into their coverage.

The New York Times used the "Long and Winding Road" to start its story.

The Los Angeles Times managed to work in "Let It Be" in its first sentence.

The Associated Press played it straight.

I was surprised that nobody used the song I  just used in this blog post -- it seems like the logical one -- "Come Together."

Have there ever been two brands who should get along more than these two? A couple of my very favorite things in life are my iMac and my Beatles collection. For all the Beatles tunes not to be on iTunes has been insane.

On the other hand, I personally won't be buying many of them since I've bought them all previously twice before -- once on vinyl record album and later on CD. Okay, then, in the spirit of the day... let's end with...

Here comes the sun...

What's Old Is New Again

Technology is a wonderful thing. Here is another reminder, though, that most often it's what the tech can do for you in a human way that is more important than the tech itself.

For years, I've been complaining that my own children were the most photographed kids in world history and I was the least photographed. Regarding my kids, this is obviously an overstatement since my entire generation has probably over-photographed their kids in a monumental way. By the way, don't get me wrong -- I love having all those family photos. The point of my complaint was simply that I had maybe two or three photos from my own childhood. It felt lost to me.

My father passed away just over five years ago. While going through his things like kids have to do, I came across carousel after carousel of old color slides he'd taken. I guess I remembered that he'd done this, but I'd forgotten. Well, a couple of weeks ago, my brother Alan got a hold of these and started scanning them into his iMac.

Suddenly, large yawning gaps of my past came back to me. In color! My brother's iPhoto folder was brimming with history, and he was photocasting it so I could grab it off the Internet to my own computer. Here's one of my favorites so far...

This whole experience has caused me to realize two important things:  1- My father did a much better job of this family history thing than I'd given him credit for; and 2- I really had the backward hat thing going on a long time before it became popular which makes me a real trendsetter!

Wii Are the Champions!

Runners Up:  Wii Are the World -- Wii Will Rock You -- Wii Are Family --

It wasn't easy getting one of the new Nintendo Wii game systems into our house this year as a holiday gift. My youngest wanted to know how it happened at all. I told him, "Things had to be done. Let's leave it at that."

So now the entire family has been reduced to Mii's, or videogame icons. We actually sent out a digital New Year's card this year with all of us next to our icons (yes, that's where we used "Wii Are Family!). I try to give my family a degree of privacy on this blog, that's why you get to see only yours truly above icon-ized as it were.

There have been several people who have compared my icon version to a porn star as seen on "South Park." This hurts enough, but is made worse by the fact that as soon as I completed my icon everyone in the entire house (my family and all the neighborhood kids) pronounced my image as the only one that was "uncanny."

So far, I've gotten okay at tennis, lost a close round of golf, been knocked out in the first round of boxing. I think what I need is more practice. See ya...

What's in a Name?

A few years ago, when I was the chairman of the TV Academy, some scoundrel in Romania bought my domain name, www.brycezabel.com, and turned it into an adult site. I’m not kidding! Later, the Romanian transferred the domain name to somebody else who sold household products and cosmetics on it. This led to a multi-year quest to reclaim my name so that, if for no other reason, my friends wouldn’t think I’d gone into the pornography business or had fallen on hard times and was now running internet scams.

It was identity theft, pure and simple. What made it even more maddening is that the domain "owners" actually used some of my TV and film credits on these sites to make it look like I was behind the whole thing. So, next to a link to a kitchen product web-page you'd find one called "The Crow: Stairway to Heaven" which would, surprisingly, also take you to the kitchen product web-page. Sigh...

It never sat right with me, but it seemed as if it would be too costly in time and/or money to prevail. I even offered to buy back my name at a premium and was turned down. Finally, this year, urged on by my friends Scott and Fred, I just said enough was enough. This led to some back-and-forth communications with the company which registered my name to these people. I explained that I was pretty damn sure there aren't a lot of people named "Bryce Zabel" out there and I was positive there was only one who wrote on "Mortal Kombat" and "Atlantis" and all the other credits which had been appropriated. I suggested after the first few e-mails that if they didn't facilitate turning this domain name over to me quickly they would stop hearing from me and start hearing from a lawyer.

I guess I must have sounded exasperated and persistant enough that, finally, a couple of weeks ago, they quietly transferred the domain name to me.

Then it was like Redford in "The Candidate" wondering what to do after you've won. I’m not entirely 100% sure about what should be on this new site, but at least it will have my blessing, whatever it turns out to be.

For now, while I'm debating that issue, it starts with links to my blogs in case people want to read them, biographical information in case anybody wants to see my credits, and portals to a few websites I’ve built for work projects. I’m sure there’s more to come, but that’s a good start.

It will not, however, sell you cleaning fluid or triple-X anything!

{{ Go to BryceZabel.com }}