Bryce Zabel's FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH

WGA Makes Deal - Gives Awards - We're Celebrating!

Talk about everything happening at once...

On the same night that the WGA leadership presented to the membership the details of a tentative deal that looks almost certain to end the strike this week, the Guild also announced the winners of the "Writers Guild Awards '08" and PANDEMIC, a screenplay I co-wrote with my wife, Jackie, actually won the "Long Form Original" category! 

This odd merging of events happened because, pre-strike, the Writers Guild Awards were scheduled for February 9.  Once the strike was on, all attention had to go to that, so the black-tie and gown festivities were sacrificed.  A simple posting of the winners on the web-site was substituted. Then, as fate would have it, the tentative deal came together this past week, and the membership meeting got scheduled for -- you guessed it -- February 9!

Who cares?  Jackie and I are thrilled that the long nightmare of a strike is almost over and with a deal that seems to be reasonable, if not everything we'd want.

"Pandemic" was a Hallmark miniseries, four hours, that was, as the award states, "original," meaning that it was not based on any pre-existing material. It's a number of interlocking stories about an unexpected strain of Avian flu and how an outbreak in Los Angeles leads the military quarantine of the entire area. In its struture, it's a bit like "Crash" with microbes.

On a personal level, Jackie and I are so honored because this award comes from a panel of writers who actually read the scripts instead of watch the movies.  We think it's humbling to be among the honored screenwriters who demonstrate why the work of writers is valuable and worth fighting for at this critical moment in the WGA's history.  Here's to everyone going back to work in the days ahead!

WGA coverage
Daily Variety coverage
Los Angeles Times coverage

Download a PDF of the PANDEMIC screenplay - Click Here

The "Pandemic" Crystal Ball: Quarantine, Selfishness & TB

Over the weekend, "Pandemic" aired on the Hallmark Channel across the United States, both Saturday and Sunday night. My wife and I wrote the screenplay which tells the story of a passenger who dies on a plane flight from Australia to Los Angeles of a bird-flu type of illness, infecting his fellow passengers, causing a quarantine first of the plane, then the entire city. And, without revealing the ending completely, the ending resolution has something to do with TB.

Today comes word from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention about a case involving a U.S. citizen who traveled on two international flights, probably infected his fellow passengers with a rare form of TB (XDR-TB) which was recently defined as a subtype of multiple-drug resistant tuberculosis. It can be fatal. In any case, Here is the story as CNN reports it today.

As with all TB, the disease can be spread through the air. "In this case, the infected patient traveled on two trans-Atlantic air flights and, in doing so, may have exposed passengers and crew to XDR-TB," the agency said.

"A federal quarantine order has been issued and CDC is currently collaborating with U.S., state and local health departments, international ministries of health, the airline industry, and WHO (World Health Organization)."

Sometimes life imitates art and vice-versa. The Fox News article has a couple of other similarities. For starters, the man who carried the disease has been put in respiratory isolation.

"I don't recall us doing this since 1963," said Gerberding. "We want to balance personal liberties with public health and, because this organism is so potentially serious, especially to those who have reduced immunity, our responsibility is to err on the side of caution."

Imagine, by the way, if he wasn't the sole incident but was one of thousands and thousands who needed this level of care or isolation. The other thing is that this particular passenger doesn't appear to have been very concerned about anybody else's exposure.

"The patient felt his personal agenda was highly relevant to him," she said. "The CDC was not aware he was traveling. We were surprised the patient left the country."

This is very consistent with the story we told in "Pandemic." We had a character, Jack Hendler, who felt his work as a Brentwood real estate agent was more important than public safety and broke the quarantine, becoming a "Typhoid Jack" across Los Angeles. All you have to do is to observe people's selfish, immature and dangerous driving habits around here to imagine that someone who is supposed to cool it in a quarantine would decide the rules didn't apply to them.

Should we be afraid? Yeah, probably...

Pandemic: Aftermath

Last night, after a barbeque, my wife Jackie and I sat down with our friends to watch "Pandemic," the three-hour Hallmark Channel "special event" film that we co-wrote together last year. I've already written a lot about it: you can catch up to that by clicking here or clicking here. We even got a good review in Daily Variety.

I gave my friends my standard disclaimer on projects that I've only been the writer on: I didn't cast it, direct it, edit it or produce it. Don't give me credit for those choices but don't blame me either. It was also fun because we'd used a number of our friend's names in the production. One of them, Hendler, could have been turned into a drinking contest there were so many mentions. Another friend who watched with us, Steve Friedlander, was the character played by Bruce Boxleitner. Other friends, Scott and Andie, watched as a character named after their daughter got sick, but rallied and recovered. Two other friends, Don and Morgan, had their character cut from the film, in just another cruel Hollywood reality.

One thing that was interesting is that the simplest thing in a review is to dismiss the science behind the whole thing as improbable and/or stupid (and a few reviews did try to make that point). Today, though, Doctor Joan Bushwell (if I'm not mistaken, this is a name she uses in order to keep her privacy, taken from The Simpsons) has come to our defense! She has a blog, along with other science enthusiasts, where she talks about her two passions: pop culture and science. Today on her blog, Doctor Joan Bushwell's Chimpanzee Refugee, she writes:

As a scientist, I thought "Pandemic" had its redeeming moments. In terms of attention to scientific detail, it far surpassed my favorite guilty pleasure, Outbreak, a film that is campy-bad and injected with an Ebola-virulent bolus of laughable "science." That, and Dustin Hoffman's chewing up of the scenery are what makes "Outbreak" such a noteworthy sci-fi film for Mystery Science Theater 3000 style viewing.

As an example of "Pandemic's" details, one of the CDC-Atlanta scientists nicely explained the concept of antigenic shift that resulted in the virulence of the Riptide virus. To the writers' credit, they did not take the clichéd H5N1 route, but instead opted for a fictional (I think) strain called H3N7. The hemagglutinin piece is not fictional, and is the variant of the Hong Kong 'flu virus of the 1968 pandemic. I'm not sure about the neuramidase variant, but I liked this touch. The writers used part of a strain that already infects people readily, and applied the antigenic shift to it. This is at least consistent with a "stuck-on-the-tarmac-make-small-talk-with-your-neighbor" conversation I had a couple of years ago with a virologist from Childrens Hospital in Philadelphia when we were stuck at the PHL airport. He noted that nasty flu strains often result from antigenic shifts from those that are already transmissible among humans. He allowed as how H5N1 deserved close vigilance, but that other strains could readily be the next big thing.

Anyway, she actually writes more and you can read the whole thing by clicking on that link before the break-out quote.

Other reaction. San Diego film critic Fred Saxon (and former CNN film critic) wrote me an e-mail:

Thank you for scaring the bejesus out of me and certainly everybody who saw the TV version of your “Pandemic” script.  Well done! Having said that, let me say this: I know you’re the writers and not the directors, but please allow me to comment on the experience. It wasn’t long before I wondered if you wrote another Faye Dunaway face lift (or two) into the script. Hmmmm? If she has one more she’ll have a goatee.  And Eric Roberts, did you write that he should be so old?  Another thing, the blood looked totally fake on the plane.  Hey, what’s up with that music?  It’s going non-stop, like in “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire”, but more annoying. Could have been much more effective had it not been continuous.  I’m just sayin’...

Fred, by the way, is also a recovered stand-up comedian, if you hadn't guessed. I won't take a cheap shot at Faye, other than to say she was originally written to be an Arnold Schwarzenneger-type governor, but the music comment was interesting. About a month ago, Jackie and I got a copy of the locked cut, but without music. Completely sweetened for dialogue and background sound, though, and it actually was more compelling. Usually, I think music really takes a piece to the next level, so this was an odd experience for me.

Also, in a few places, Jackie and I ended up getting confused by our own movie. That's because we were hired to write it as a four-hour mini-series to air in two two-hour parts. That four-hour has already been seen internationally and will make up the DVD release, but the Hallmark Channel wanted one three-hour. Take away the 45 minutes of commericals and last night's airing was about 150 pages worth of film from a script that we turned in (at producer's request) at about 250 pages.

Although he may be biased, Movie Smackdown! critic Mark Sanchez sent us this e-mail this morning:

No space aliens, costumed oddballs or special effects overload. Distinct characters, a plausible story arc and a satisfying conclusion. It's a fine, attractive project because it's not like the blockbusters clogging the multiplexes these days. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, "Pandemic" offers an accessible big story that is still human-scale in its dimensions.

Well, at least it was produced. In a world where everyone has a spec script in their desk drawer, this is a very good thing.

One Day Until the PANDEMIC is Here!

Pandemic, the three-hour Hallmark Channel "special event" film, airs on Saturday night, May 26 at 8:00pm. (Re-airs on Sunday night, May 27 at 6:00pm)

CLICK HERE for the Hallmark page with a video clip.
CLICK HERE for the Hallmark publicity "lead sheet."
CLICK HERE for the Internet Movie Data Base page.

The film (Written by Bryce Zabel & Jackie Zabel, Directed by Armand Mastroianni) deals with a bird-flu like outbreak on an airplane from Australia that eventually forces the quarantine of the entire city of Los Angeles. Yes, that's Tiffani Thiesen as the hot CDC scientist who saves the world. What more do you want from a movie?

CLICK HERE to see an extended "Behind-the-Scenes" post from "For What It's Worth."

Daily Variety gave us a mostly positive review today. Here are some highlights:

• "...an ambitious script by Bryce and Jackie Zabel..."
• "The Zabels' script is highly character-driven, mimicking the ensemble storylines that made films like Crash so engrossing."
• "Pandemic does win points for not being heavyhanded; it's all in good germy fun."
• "The Germs on a Plane approach is skin-crawlingly effective..."

Did we mention you should tell your friends? And tell them early because they'll have to figure out where the Hallmark Channel is on their cable or satellite...

Pandemic: Going Viral

The Flu is Coming...

Here's the update on "Pandemic," the Hallmark mini-series that my wife, Jackie, and I wrote last year. The three-hour version will air on Hallmark on May 26.

Another piece of good news is that the Tribune Media Group has selected the film as their cable movie of the week which means it will be in contention for the TV section covers in all their newspapers.

Regular readers here know that this is my third Hallmark project. "The Poseidon Adventure" aired on NBC, USA and Hallmark in 2005-2006. Last year, "Blackbeard" was on Hallmark as a four-hour version. This year, it's "Pandemic." Hallmark has cut this one down to a three-hour, too, so it can be seen in a single night. Some overseas folks have already seen the four-hour, and that's what will also be out on DVD. In the small-world department, David Kenin who heads up Hallmark is also, like me, an Oregon Duck. So, you see, it's really a team effort. Although when you're talking about a bird flu, I don't know if sharing a team name like the Ducks is really an advantage...

Honestly, I wouldn't push this film if I didn't really like the way it turned out. As it happens, I do. A lot. It was shot entirely here in Los Angeles and has big production values -- from shooting at Tom Bradley International with lots of extras to scenes in Beverly Hills. Plus, there are car chases and shoot-outs that are first rate. Jackie and I were also impressed with how multi-cultural the cast feels -- it is as diverse as Los Angeles is in reality. So, hats off to Hallmark and Levinson Productions for a job well done. They always do an amazing job of getting the money up there on the screen, but this time they've outdone themselves.

That's Tiffani Thiesen, by the way, inside the bio-containment suit above. Over here to the right, she's looking a little more like the Tiffani we know and love, along with two of her co-stars French Stewart and Vincent Spano. She plays Dr. Kayla Martin, the first person to take the "Riptide" virus  of our movie seriously. I think there may be some people who might think she would be too lightweight to play a committed CDC doctor but, having seen the final film, both Jackie and I were surprised at how positive we felt about her performance. And, no, her hair does not look that good in the actual film. As you can see below, there's a lot of covering up in the medical scenes.

The project got its start back in late 2005 when Jackie and I pitched a mini-series, "Plague", to Dan Gross and Mike Moran over at Larry Levinson Productions. Basically, the title got changed but the film that got made is remarkably similar to that very first one-page description. In it, we laid out a world where authorities were so busy getting ready to fight the Bird Flu that another strain took them by surprise. Our film begins with a surfer dying on a plane bound from Australia to Los Angeles from a flu that has jumped from dying seagulls to people. Upon landing, everyone on the plane is quarantined in a Los Angeles hospital. There are lots of sub-plots but, suffice it to say, complications ensue. By the second half, the pandemic has escaped from the hospital to the streets of LA and soon authorities have no choice but to use the National Guard to lock down the entire city.

We named that first fatality Ames Smith, using the name of one of our son's friends, thinking it would probably be changed during legal clearances. But, as it turns out, Ames has stayed the course as "Patient Zero" in the pandemic. To the real Ames, we can only wish you a long life and happiness. We can only imagine how weird it would be to be 20 years old and watch a movie made where a character who shares your name is a flu fatality that starts a worldwide panic. Well, everybody wants to be important, right?

Anyway, here's the Hallmark web-page. My only advice is not to read the "synopsis" if you plan on watching "Pandemic" since it lays out every single plot point. The good folks at Hallmark PR (special thanks to Pam Slay) have done their job and then some. I wouldn't be surprised if this complete story is for reviewers who never get around to watching the film when it's mailed out or who can't remember who played what part and how their name is spelled. In any case, Major Spoiler Alert!

On the other hand, since Hallmark is spilling the beans in full, here's something that some of you may find interesting. It's our First Draft of Part One. So, it won't spoil how things turn out, and it's been changed anyway, but for those of you who think it's intriguing to see how things change from the page to the stage" this might be of interest. Check it out.

PANDEMIC, Part One, First Draft.pdf

In our "Pandemic" world, Faye Dunaway appears as the Governor of California and Eric Roberts plays the mayor of Los Angeles. Roberts gets a lot of advice from Bruce Boxleitner who plays his assistant (he's standing behind Roberts on the cell). Boxleitner, by the way, is married to another friend of mine, Melissa Gilbert, who ran the Screen Actors Guild at more or less the same time I ran the TV Academy. The two of them were interviewed together and the conversation touches on our mini-series. Bruce and Melissa and Jackie and I had dinner together a couple of years ago at Saddlepeak Lodge here in Malibu. Here in Hollywood you won't find many people as real and as easy to get along with as these two.

Another great performance comes from Bob Gunton who plays Dr. Max Sorkosky, the top dog at the CDC out of Atlanta who we modeled after Donald Rumsfeld. The character is pedantic, corrects the media, scolds his doctors and, for all his efforts, ends up kidnapped and having a cohersive measure applied to him that, well, it's something that would make Jack Bauer proud. If you think it's too sick to be believed, all I can tell you is that I thought of it (Jackie is innocent) and Gunton had to shoot it on his first day of production.

During the research and writing phase of this project, we certainly learned enough to scare the hell out of ourselves. People compare the possibility of a pandemic today to the one that hit us so hard back in 1918. This one will be different though. Viruses traveled much more slowly back then. These days, as we show in our film, they can hop, skip and jump an entire continent in a jet full of new carriers. On the other hand, the knowledge and understanding we have of disease is greater than ever. Will the two balance themselves out? Who knows?

Our film certainly follows the spread of the disease, and the medical attempts to contain it. What we found most interesting, however, was adding in the fact that people being imperfect humans are going to screw things up, constantly, even when it's ultimately not in their best interests. So we have people breaking out of the hospital, blockade runners, carriers who cough and sneeze their way across LA, others who steal anti-viral drugs, etc. On the side of truth and justice, we have a very hot looking CDC doctor. The smart money remains on Tiffani.

Obviously, the film is meant to be dramatic and not a documentary. If you want to become an expert on disease control, this is probably not the best way to get that expertise. But we did receive some great technical advice from the CDC's Dr. Stephen Ostroff and from Los Angeles superstar internal medicine expert Dr. Jeffrey Galpin. They really did help us keep it real.

Here's all I can say. Our family has purchased a box of high quality surgical masks and stashed a good supply of Sparkletts water and jars of peanut butter. If the real pandemic comes, you need to be able to keep a low-profile for three weeks at least, and maybe more. There won't be any public gatherings: no school, no movies, no Dixie Chicks concerts or Oscar awards. It will be time to stay home and wait it out. There is only one thing you can take heart in:

There will always be TV...

Pandemic: Hallmark Goes Viral

The Flu is Coming... and maybe it's the real deal if you read the papers and surf the net but, at the very least, it turned out to make for a compelling and interesting "What-if?" that will soon be coming to a television set near you. All I know is that I spent the better part of year reading about and thinking about what would happen when, and if, the pandemic really hits us.

Writing this particular blog-post may be the literal version of "going viral." At least it involves using the Internet to whip up interest in the three-hour special event movie about a virus that threatens to wipe out life as we know it. It's a script that my wife Jackie and I wrote for the Hallmark Channel and its name is ... PANDEMIC. Look for it to air either in very late May or very early June of 2007.

Regular readers here know that this is my third Hallmark project. "The Poseidon Adventure" aired on NBC, USA and Hallmark in 2005-2006. Last year, "Blackbeard" was on Hallmark as a four-hour version. This year, it's "Pandemic." Hallmark has cut this one down to a three-hour, too, so it can be seen in a single night. Some overseas folks get the four-hour, and that's what will also be out on DVD. In the small-world department, David Kenin who heads up Hallmark is also, like me, an Oregon Duck. So, you see, it's really a team effort. Although when you're talking about a bird flu, I don't know if sharing a team name like the Ducks is really an advantage...

Honestly, I wouldn't push this film if I didn't really like the way it turned out. As it happens, I do. A lot. It was shot entirely here in Los Angeles and has big production values -- from shooting at Tom Bradley International with lots of extras to scenes in Beverly Hills. Plus, there are car chases and shoot-outs that are first rate. Jackie and I were also impressed with how multi-cultural the cast feels -- it is as diverse as Los Angeles is in reality. So, hats off to Hallmark and Levinson Productions for a job well done. They always do an amazing job of getting the money up there on the screen, but this time they've outdone themselves.

That's Tiffani Thiesen, by the way, inside the bio-containment suit above. Over here to the right, she's looking a little more like the Tiffani we know and love, along with two of her co-stars French Stewart and Vincent Spano. She plays Dr. Kayla Martin, the first person to take the "Riptide" virus  of our movie seriously. I think there may be some people who might think she would be too lightweight to play a committed CDC doctor but, having seen the final film, both Jackie and I were surprised at how positive we felt about her performance. And, no, her hair does not look that good in the actual film. As you can see below, there's a lot of covering up in the medical scenes.

The project got its start back in late 2005 when Jackie and I pitched a mini-series, "Plague", to Dan Gross and Mike Moran over at Larry Levinson Productions. Basically, the title got changed but the film that got made is remarkably similar to that very first one-page description. In it, we laid out a world where authorities were so busy getting ready to fight the Bird Flu that another strain took them by surprise. Our film begins with a surfer dying on a plane bound from Australia to Los Angeles from a flu that has jumped from dying seagulls to people. Upon landing, everyone on the plane is quarantined in a Los Angeles hospital. There are lots of sub-plots but, suffice it to say, complications ensue. By the second half, the pandemic has escaped from the hospital to the streets of LA and soon authorities have no choice but to use the National Guard to lock down the entire city.

We named that first fatality Ames Smith, using the name of one of our son's friends, thinking it would probably be changed during legal clearances. But, as it turns out, Ames has stayed the course as "Patient Zero" in the pandemic. To the real Ames, we can only wish you a long life and happiness. We can only imagine how weird it would be to be 20 years old and watch a movie made where a character who shares your name is a flu fatality that starts a worldwide panic. Well, everybody wants to be important, right?

Anyway, here's the Hallmark web-page. My only advice is not to read the "synopsis" if you plan on watching "Pandemic" since it lays out every single plot point. The good folks at Hallmark PR (special thanks to Pam Slay) have done their job and then some. I wouldn't be surprised if this complete story is for reviewers who never get around to watching the film when it's mailed out or who can't remember who played what part and how their name is spelled. In any case, Major Spoiler Alert!

On the other hand, since Hallmark is spilling the beans in full, here's something that some of you may find interesting. It's our First Draft of Part One. So, it won't spoil how things turn out, and it's been changed anyway, but for those of you who think it's intriguing to see how things change from "the page to the stage" this might be of interest. Check it out.

PANDEMIC, Part One, First Draft.pdf

In our "Pandemic" world, Faye Dunaway appears as the Governor of California and Eric Roberts plays the mayor of Los Angeles. Roberts gets a lot of advice from Bruce Boxleitner who plays his assistant (he's standing behind Roberts on the cell). Boxleitner, by the way, is married to another friend of mine, Melissa Gilbert, who ran the Screen Actors Guild at more or less the same time I ran the TV Academy. The two of them were interviewed together and the conversation touches on our mini-series. Bruce and Melissa and Jackie and I had dinner together a couple of years ago at Saddlepeak Lodge here in Malibu. Here in Hollywood you won't find many people as real and as easy to get along with as these two.

Another great performance comes from Bob Gunton who plays Dr. Max Sorkosky, the top dog at the CDC out of Atlanta who we modeled after Donald Rumsfeld. The character is pedantic, corrects the media, scolds his doctors and, for all his efforts, ends up kidnapped and having a cohersive measure applied to him that, well, it's something that would make Jack Bauer proud. If you think it's too sick to be believed, all I can tell you is that I thought of it (Jackie is innocent) and Gunton had to shoot it on his first day of production.

During the research and writing phase of this project, we certainly learned enough to scare the hell out of ourselves. People compare the possibility of a pandemic today to the one that hit us so hard back in 1918. This one will be different though. Viruses traveled much more slowly back then. These days, as we show in our film, they can hop, skip and jump an entire continent in a jet full of new carriers. On the other hand, the knowledge and understanding we have of disease is greater than ever. Will the two balance themselves out? Who knows?

Our film certainly follows the spread of the disease, and the medical attempts to contain it. What we found most interesting, however, was adding in the fact that people being imperfect humans are going to screw things up, constantly, even when it's ultimately not in their best interests. So we have people breaking out of the hospital, blockade runners, carriers who cough and sneeze their way across LA, others who steal anti-viral drugs, etc. On the side of truth and justice, we have a very hot looking CDC doctor. The smart money remains on Tiffani.

Obviously, the film is meant to be dramatic and not a documentary. If you want to become an expert on disease control, this is probably not the best way to get that expertise. But we did receive some great technical advice from the CDC's Dr. Stephen Ostroff and from Los Angeles superstar internal medicine expert Dr. Jeffrey Galpin. They really did help us keep it real.

Jackie and I just talked to freelance writer and publicist David Martindale (no relation to Wink) for an hour this morning. He's preparing the press materials for the May campaign. As it turns out, Hallmark likes the way this has turned out so much that there's even talk of mounting an Emmy campaign. Maybe being a past chairman of the TV Academy will pay off.

Here's all I can say. Our family has purchased a box of high quality surgical masks and stashed a good supply of Sparkletts water and jars of peanut butter. If the real pandemic comes, you need to be able to keep a low-profile for three weeks at least, and maybe more. There won't be any public gatherings: no school, no movies, no Dixie Chicks concerts or Oscar awards. It will be time to stay home and wait it out. There is only one thing you can take heart in:

There will always be TV...

Sleep Diet Sequel: Napping Your Way to a Healthy Heart

We're Number #1. If you Google "sleep diet" you will find that the top referral in the entire known universe for those two words is a post I wrote on this blog in October of 2005. Based on what presumably are some very complex algorithms which must be used in the search engine rating process, this one touched a nerve. At the time, I was writing a kind of Andy Rooney like tongue-in-cheek comment about the concept that you need a lot of sleep to keep your weight in check.

I can't resist going for the Google Gold one more time with another post about the benefits of sleeping your way to a better life.

Today comes word that taking a lot of naps leads to a healthy heart. Here's the work-out formula: take at least a 30-minute nap at least three times a week. After this rigorous schedule of snoozing, you will have 37% less chance of heart disease. Maybe all the extra sleep will keep you more trim and that's the reason for the heart healthiness. Just don't forget that coffee's turning out to be good for you, too. That could interfere with the nap. It gets confusing, staying in top shape.

So let's see then... I could go jog every day and maybe reduce my heart risk (but running advocate Jim Fixx died of a heart attack, remember?) or I can take a snooze on the couch after lunch? Then when I get home I should turn in early and get up late. I'm not being lazy, I'm training for a Triathalon or something. This fitness thing is getting easier...

By the way, they had to conduct this study in Greece where people actually do take naps. Here in the U.S. there just aren't enough of us with the guts to nap. I know for a fact that if any of the TV series writing staffs I've been on made everybody take a post lunch nap, we'd have all been a lot sharper around four or five when we hit the wall. But naps are seen as a sign of weakness or a lack of commitment to the cause so they really don't happen much in the American workplace. Besides, if employers gave their workers a chance to nap, we'd probably all just play Brick-Breaker on our cell-phones and have some more coffee...

The Hollywood Cookbook: A Holiday Win-Win for Charity

The first copies are back from the publishers and it will be in the major bookstores and Amazon.com will start shipping within the next week. I'm  talking about "The Hollywood Cookbook." It's the best win-win I've seen in a long-time. Really... think of it as Good Cooking, Great Causes...

Pre-Order Now for 2006 Holidays
Available Mid-November
$5 Per Book to Charity

To paraphrase Martin Landau's Bob Evans character from HBO's "Entourage" -- "If I told you there was a way to give somebody a modest gift for the holidays that they might actually like and, at the same time, give money to charities that help make the world a better place, would that be of interest to you?"

Regular readers of "For What It's Worth" know that I've never asked you to buy anything in all the time this blog has existed. This one just seems like such a great idea that I want to help.

The whole concept started a couple of years ago when my wife, Jackie, got this idea. She would find twenty celebrities, each one with a favorite charity, then ask them to supply their favorite recipes for a cookbook. Five bucks from each book would go into a pot to be distributed to the charities. She'd get the Entertainment Industry Foundation -- a group that has an outstanding reputation -- to divvy up the money. She'd sell the book, starting at the holidays, so that people could give it instead of a card saying "A donation has been made in your name." I mean, let's be honest, I'm always glad that a charity has gotten money in my name but it's a little disappointing. We'd like something tangible to go with it. Well, now you have the perfect compromise!

It's been a snowball effect of support. She's partnered with her good friend, Morgan Most, and together the two of them have practically willed this into existence. Celebrities like Ron Howard, Michael J. Fox, Jane Kaczmarek and Bradley Whitford immediately wanted to help. Charities were supportive and appreciative and put some of their key supporters in touch with the women of "Good Looking Cooking" (that's the name they came up with in order to publish the book). Later, as an added bonus, some very, very famous celebrity chefs also came aboard to offer some of their own special recipes. People like Wolfgang Puck and Mario Batali (plus Mark Dacascos from "Iron Chef.")

The book is literally at the printer now, pre-orders are being taken, and it can end up in your hands before Thanksgiving, in plenty of time to wrap it, mail it and give it to friends and co-workers for the holidays.

Listen, I could go on and on about this idea. I work in Hollywood where so often everything is a problem and it's great to salute an idea where everything is a solution. You want to know what was the most significant problem to overcome? Figuring out how to get $5 guaranteed to charity, given all the costs that go into books these days. But Jackie and Morgan have been unyielding. $5 to charity. Not a penny less.

They have a superior web-site that explains the whole thing better than I can do in this blog. Check it out. Feel good this year about at least one of the gifts you give. Make a difference. You can see all the charities there and check out the links to their sites for yourself.

Let me put one other thought out there. After you've checked out http://www.thehollywoodcookbook.com, you'll probably agree it's a great idea, too. Now, let's do some math...

Say they sell 10-thousand books before Christmas. That means charities will get $50,000 to split. But if we can push that number up to 100-thousand books that would mean a $500,000 check going to charity in early 2007.

So, check out the site and if you catch "The Hollywood Cookbook" fever like I have, stick a link to it on your blog or website, write about it in your own words, send the URL to your local newspapers with a personal note of endorsement and send one of those e-mails to all your friends asking them to send it to all their friends. Even better, buy a book for everybody on your shopping list and be a force multiplier. Think of it this way: buy 10 books; give $50 to charity.

Let's go viral in support of a great cause! We're the Internet, dammit, this is easy!

Still More Snakes on My Brain

Another day, another rattler dead. Situation normal out here in the suburbs of Los Angeles. And, trust me, despite that movie that got all the hype, this is the real deal.

I never got around to seeing "Snakes on a Plane" but why should I? Nothing on celluloid can match the sheer heart-pounding thrill of nearly stepping on one of the damn things out in your backyard. Talk about zero to sixty. Screams, debates about calling the fire department, frantic search for implements of destruction, analysis of snake type, freak-out over sound of rattle, etc.

Apparently, it's still snake season here in California and rattlesnakes seem to be out in force. Some people say it was all the rain that creates an increased rodent population which spurred on more snakes. Or maybe it's just another sign of the apocalypse. Or maybe the rain was the sign of the apocalypse and now this is only a symptom, I can't be sure.

All I know is that they are out there and even the Los Angeles Times reported this summer that a poor chimpanzee in our zoo died after being bitten by a rattlesnake. Zoo director John Lewis commented:

"Our staff is constantly on the lookout for rattlesnakes. Typically when they find them in the zoo or the exhibits, they relocate them to the park."

Good plan, John. Let's put them in Griffith Park so that families who are having a picnic with their kids can have a little excitement.

Anyway, yesterday, we found a baby one out in the front driveway and attempted to decapitate it with a pooper scooper ordinarily used for our dog. It did not have proper severing power, but it did crush the head sufficiently. Today, we got one out under one of the bushes in the backyard and managed to separate head from body. The body twitched for half an hour before it settled down. Too graphic? Sorry, this is our life. Of course, we could have tossed it across the fence so it could live and grow and kill our dog once it built up its strength. We decided to draw the line.

Our gardner Tom, an ex-Simi Valley police officer, found one in August and showed up at our front door holding it... ALIVE! He had gotten the reptile by the head between his thumb and forefinger so that we could all get a good look at those fangs. Wow... they were not something I would want nipping at my ankle, let's just leave it at that. Tom actually threw this mutant over the back fence before I could tell him to beat it senseless. This was actually very kind of Tom, given the fact that last year he got bit and ended up in the hospital for several days with an arm the size of Burbank. Apparently, he'd been reaching in some brush and got bit, but thought it was a scratch and so didn't seek help immediately.

By the way, other than getting to the hospital ASAP, they also recommend that you do not elevate whatever limb that was bitten above your heart. My reaction is that if you have to think about where your limbs are in relation to your heart, then you probably should be in a hospital, you know? Anyway, here's what else Wikipedia had to say on the subject of First Aid:

"It is important to keep a snake bite victim calm in order to avoid elevating their heart rate and accelerating the circulation of venom within the body."

Calm? After being bit by a rattlesnake? We have people freaking out just seeing one. If they got bit, man, I really think most people I know would start calling in airstrikes.

So far almost all the neighbors in our cul-del-sac have found one of them and called the fire department. On one call, for example, two trucks and four firefighters showed up, complete with snake wrangling equipment. I think they're getting a lot of calls these days and, at least where we are, handling more snakes than brush fires.

Then there's my running partner, Zach, who found one up by his horse barn. He used one of these extendable tree trimmers to grab the varmit and then his wife and son ended up beating the thing into a bloody pulp with garden tools. Based on the zookeeper, I'm pretty sure this is not the politically correct way to deal with a rattler, but it did prevent that particular snake from terrorizing Zach's horses any time soon. By the way, he reports that snake blood is bright red, like ours, which was our observation, too.

Now the snake web-sites will tell you this is an unnecessary overreaction because snake bites are a part of life in some parts of this country. If you get bit, besides not elevating or panicking, they also recommend you don't use a tourniquet or cut it or anything. Get bit, go to hospital. Check.

One of the reasons I don't hike in the Santa Monica mountains this time of year is my fear of getting bit by a rattlesnake. Imagine being several miles from trailhead, getting snagged by a long pair of fangs, but remaining calm and avoiding raising your heart rate while hiking back in to your car. Pass.

My wife and I were watching an episode of "Animal Planet" last year about a father who came in with a snake bite. We watched out of curiosity to see how long it would take him to recover and what kind of ordeal it was. You know what happened? The poor bastard died!

Maybe that's why Zach and I march to a different drummer. Out here in the Southern California desert, when it comes to snakes, it's kill or be killed.

Snakes On My Brain

Okay, I haven't yet seen the movie, "Snakes on a Plane" but, according to the L.A. Times, neither did a lot of people who the pundits thought would show up. The film pulled in a disappointing $15-million. I think part of that explanation is that snakes just creep a lot of people out and being stuck in a movie theater watching a movie about people being stuck in a plane with a snake "problem" just doesn't sound like that much fun.

I feel like I've seen this movie anyway, what with the unprecedented hype and the fact that Samuel Jackson has single-handedly defined the word "ubiquitous" through his break-neck schedule of pre-release personal appearances. There will be time enough later to dissect fictional snakes on fictional planes.

Besides, why pay for a nightmare scenario that I can have for free? I'm writing today about real snakes in my backyard.

It is snake season here in California and rattlesnakes seem to be out in force. Some people say it was all the rain that creates an increased rodent population which spurred on more snakes. Or maybe it's just another sign of the apocalypse. Or maybe the rain was the sign of the apocalypse and now this is only a symptom, I can't be sure.

All I know is that they are out there and even the Los Angeles Times reported just over a week ago that a poor chimpanzee in our zoo died after being bitten by a rattlesnake. Zoo director John Lewis commented:

"Our staff is constantly on the lookout for rattlesnakes. Typically when they find them in the zoo or the exhibits, they relocate them to the park."

Good plan, John. Let's put them in Griffith Park so that families who are having a picnic with their kids can have a little excitement.

Our gardner Tom, an ex-Simi Valley police officer, found one the other day and showed up at our front door holding it... ALIVE! He had gotten the reptile by the head between his thumb and forefinger so that we could all get a good look at those fangs. Wow... they were not something I would want nipping at my ankle, let's just leave it at that. Tom actually threw this mutant over the back fence before I could tell him to beat it senseless. This was actually very kind of Tom, given the fact that last year he got bit and ended up in the hospital for several days with an arm the size of Burbank. Apparently, he'd been reaching in some brush and got bit, but thought it was a scratch and so didn't seek help immediately.

By the way, other than getting to the hospital ASAP, they also recommend that you do not elevate whatever limb that was bitten above your heart. My reaction is that if you have to think about where your limbs are in relation to your heart, then you probably should be in a hospital, you know? Anyway, here's what else Wikipedia had to say on the subject of First Aid:

"It is important to keep a snake bite victim calm in order to avoid elevating their heart rate and accelerating the circulation of venom within the body."

Calm? After being bit by a rattlesnake? We have people freaking out just seeing one. If they got bit, man, I really think most people I know would start calling in airstrikes.

Our neighbors found one the other day and called the fire department. Two trucks and four firefighters showed up, complete with snake wrangling equipment. I think they're getting a lot of calls these days, handling more snakes than brush fires.

Then there's my running partner, Zach, who found one up by his horse barn. He used one of these extendable tree trimmers to grab the varmit and then his wife and son ended up beating the thing into a bloody pulp with garden tools. Based on the zookeeper, I'm pretty sure this is not the politically correct way to deal with a rattler, but it did prevent that particular snake from terrorizing Zach's horses any time soon. By the way, he reports that snake blood is bright red, like ours.

Now the snake web-sites will tell you this is an unnecessary overreaction because snake bites are a part of life in some parts of this country. If you get bit, besides not elevating or panicking, they also recommend you don't use a tourniquet or cut it or anything. Get bit, go to hospital. Check.

One of the reasons I don't hike in the Santa Monica mountains this time of year is my fear of getting bit by a rattlesnake. Imagine being several miles from trailhead, getting snagged by a long pair of fangs, but remaining calm and avoiding raising your heart rate while hiking back in to your car. Pass.

My wife and I were watching an episode of "Animal Planet" last year about a father who came in with a snake bite. We watched out of curiosity to see how long it would take him to recover and what kind of ordeal it was. You know what happened? The poor bastard died!

Maybe that's why Zach knows a different reality. When it comes to snakes, he's figuring that it's kill or be killed.