Cultural Madness

Smalls Steps & Giant Leaps: Moonwalk Memories

BZeditor_2 Bryce Zabel is the editor of "For What It's Worth" and "Movie Smackdown," a Hollywood writer-producer, former chairman of the TV Academy and ex-frycook.

Although nothing can probably touch the media frenzy over the death of Michael Jackson this year, we are still about to experience the mass coverage of the 40th anniversary of the original moonwalkers. Back on July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin kicked up their own moon dust when they became the first human beings ever to walk (or bounce) on the Earth's Moon. The world is probably evenly divided now between those who were alive when the Eagle landed in the Sea of Tranquility and those who weren't. I was. It was unforgettable, but not necessarily for the reasons you might think. As with 9/11, JFK's assassination, and the deaths of John Lennon and now Jackson, our memories of these super-events are colored by where we were when they happened, what was going on in our own lives, and how we felt about the actual events. 

Where were you?

Moon Circle For me, July 20 remains an important day -- not solely for the awe and accomplishment of the technological and spiritual acheivement of the moon landing -- but equally for the extreme personal impact it had on my young life. 

Let's roll the time machine back four decades. It was 40-years-ago that Neil Armstrong made that little jump off the ladder from the lunar lander: "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."  The ghostly TV transmission had people glued to their sets around the world, blowing past barriers of nationalism and politics. And, up in the Pacific Northwest, it was also exactly 40-years-ago that I was fired from my first job. I have since been fired again, laid off, cancelled, and otherwise unemployed in a variety of ways, shapes and sizes and, as someone with great depth of experience in this area, I can tell you that Cat Stevens was correct when he wrote that oft-recorded song, "The First Cut Is the Deepest."

Harvey If you remember The Wonder Years (that great TV series set in the 1960s starring Fred Savage), it'll help you appreciate the tone of what will follow. If you're too young to recall the 60s (when the series was set) or the 80s (when the series was filmed), then you'll have to settle for this shorthand. The series told the story of Kevin, a kid growing up during the time of Vietnam, hippies, civil rights and moon walks, all told with a gentle sense of humor. So, in this story, I'm Kevin. And Kevin's dad (Dan Lauria) had a gruff son-of-a-bitch exterior, always was pissed off, and never connected with his kids. Like my dad, Harvey, who was a high school teacher in Hillsboro, Oregon at the time. It had something to do with his being a part of the "Greatest Generation," having lived through the Great Depression and World War II. Like a lot of guys who had that experience, he was changed by it. It seems so much more understandable to me now than it did when I was a kid.

Anyway, back then, I was the youngest fry-cook in all of Washington County, having scammed my way into a job at the Arctic Circle Drive-In before I was strictly employment legal, I think, based on the fact that my older brother Alan had paved the way. It was a sweet deal -- I was making a full $1.35 an hour, up from my starting wage of $1.10 a year before. Do the math, that added up to a whole $10.80 a day and, if overtime was involved, man, that was serious bread. Of course, those burgers only cost nineteen cents, a quarter for a cheeseburger.

ArcticCircle The boss was a tough immigrant -- a Basque from Spain -- named Mariano Bilbao and he was living (or working) the American dream.  Work, work, work and, if you did that, life would be easier for your kids.  His kid was just a baby, and Mariano was in full pay-the-dues mode to get ahead in time for his kid to have the good life he dreamed of.

When the schedule for the week of July 20 got posted, I got a sinking feeling because I had the night shift and, if all went according to plan, Neil Armstrong was going to be moon-walking while I was slinging burgers.  At the time, I was very into the whole moon landing, even more (if possible) than the rest of the country.  I'd actually tried to mimick a Gemini capsule with a refrigerator box a few years earlier in our basement until my mom made me come up and eat dinner. Plus, Harvey, being an American history teacher, made sure we all knew that history didn't come in any bigger size than this.

So I asked Mariano if I could trade shifts with someone.   No.  Maybe we could have a TV in the kitchen so we could watch with every other person within ten miles of a TV?  No.  A radio then, just to listen to hear in real time how it went?  No.

Resigned to missing it all, I accepted my fate, strapped on my apron, and went to work.  Being the boss, even Mariano was at home, of course, watching the moon-walk with his wife.  Back at the grill, I was going insane because there was almost no business because everyone else in town was home watching TV.  About thirty minutes before Armstrong was scheduled to set foot on the lunar surface, I snapped.  I called my dad and told him I wanted to come home to see the moon walk.  Would he come pick me up?

There was a long pause.  I waited on the other end of the phone, knowing that The Lecture was coming. About responsibility, about sticking with your decisions, about not screwing up.  Instead, he said, "You know you'll be fired?" 

I said I knew. I waited again. Surely The Lecture was coming now. Another beat. "I'll be right down."

So my Dad drove down to the Arctic Circle Drive-In on Baseline Street in a moment of high drama in my young life.  We went back home, gathered with the rest of the family around the TV set, held our breath with everyone else and watched Armstrong's ghostly image from the moon.  It was the most exciting TV I had ever seen.  Better than the Beatles on Ed Sullivan kind of TV, if you want to know the truth.  Part of the attraction was the danger.  These guys might die on live TV.  Or they might sink into moon dust and never be heard from again.  You never knew.  

When it was over, dad said we had to go back to the restaurant and I had to face the music.  I had done the crime, now I had to do the time.  As I returned, it was clear that my co-workers had given me up to Mariano, who was there waiting for me and, man, was he pissed.  He was a short guy with a fiery temper and his face was as red as I'd ever seen it.

Mariano fired me that night, as predicted.  My dad told him he was missing a great worker and he was a small-minded man to not understand the importance of what was happening, and how this event had changed the world for everyone.  Even teenage fry-cooks.

All I know is that my dad had never stood up for me quite like that before and never quite like that after.  I remember July 20, 1969 as clearly today for turning in my greasy apron as I do for Armstrong and Aldrin doing the moonwalk.  And I remember July 20 because it was also the day that my dad passed away back in 2001.

So -- that giant leap for mankind -- for me, it isn't about where I was when it happened -- but all about where I wasn't.

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For those of you who experienced your own "Moonwalk Memory," please do leave your own personal stories in our comment section. Thanks!

UFOs or SETI: What FIRST CONTACT w/ E.T. Really Looks Like

BZeditor_2

"When Visitors Come to Call" originally posted on Movie Smackdown!

 Contact (1997) -vs- Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) 

The Smackdown. If you're old enough to remember the marketing campaign for "Close Encounters of the Third Kind," then you'll remember the goosebumps you got when you heard the phrase, We are not alone.  What was great about that simple sentence was that it promised a movie about aliens that was about wonder and mystery and wasn't about the same old Hollywood treatment of life in the universe, namely that if it bothered to interact with humans it was for a nefarious reason, everything from "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" to "War of the Worlds" to the later "Independence Day."  Classic-Prime Twenty years after "Close Encounters" came another film that promised to make first contact a matter of humanity's growth out of the cradle and not some intergalactic cage match. Both "Close Encounters" and "Contact" were aliens for smart people brought to you first by the immense talent of Steven Spielberg and later by the immense intellect of Carl Sagan.  In my Hollywood career, I've had the good fortune to discuss UFOs and extraterrestrial life with both of these men and found them to have some very different visions of the subject.  They each have used film to express their views about life as it might exist "out there."  The question is, which version comes closest to what might be the truth about first contact, and which one is the better film?

Contact

The Challenger"Contact" (the movie) directed by Robert Zemeckis is a faithful film adaption of Contact (the novel) written by Carl Sagan.  In both tellings, radio astronomer Dr. Ellie Arroway (Jodie Foster in the film) hits the cosmic jackpot when the giant radio telescopes that are part of S.E.T.I. (Search for Extra-terrestrial Intelligence) actually turn up a non-random signal from across the universe.  Someone is talking to us or, more accurately, talking back.  You see, they've picked up the very first television transmission the Earth ever leaked outward, amped it up and sent it back to us.  It's an excellent surprise and -- without spoiling it -- let's just say that the first TV signal that went out from Earth is, well, unexpected.  After that, the story kicks into where no film has really gone before.  There's another signal buried in that TV re-transmission that is, basically, the blueprints for building a gigantic spacecraft... for one person!  Well, if there was ever a situation designed to stretch our humanity to the breaking point, it would be trying to determine who's going to be that lucky (or, in failure, unlucky) person.  Where will they go?  Will they ever return?  Will they die?  Is it some kind of trick?

Continue reading "UFOs or SETI: What FIRST CONTACT w/ E.T. Really Looks Like" »

Tyranny of the (No) Fangirls

Bryce Zabel - FWIW I'm not talking about fangirls as in, say, teenage passionistas for Hannah Montana. I'm talking about women in my health club, the ones who show up for spin class (group stationary biking with loud music) oh-so-serious about it all. Usually they pile three towels on their bikes (do they even know the energy cost of washing a single towel?) and do the entire stretch set after class. 

Why fangirls, you may ask?

You see, most bike spin classes let the instructor control the lights, the music and the fans.

The fans are designed to circulate the air in the room which can get pretty damn muggy, especially when the class is packed. The women are almost universally in favor of a "no-fan" policy. They come to class in their sleeveless tops and they simply hate the idea that the fan could chill them by blowing air across them.  So when the instructor asks, "Fans?", they shout in union not to turn them on. This is not the exception, this is the rule.

Spinning_class3 There is another side. Guys runs hotter, a lot of us are packing on extra pounds. We need the fans to keep from passing out. We are almost never heard in this debate. If we dare to ask for the fans, we are shouted down as if we are suggesting some violation of civil rights. From my observations, this is an argument that women almost always win. 

Last week a miracle occurred. One of the regular instructors called in sick and a guest instructor (a woman) took the class. She put the fans on. The women began protesting loudly. "No fans! Turn them off!"  It was getting ugly.

Continue reading "Tyranny of the (No) Fangirls" »

A Career Ahead at the Harvard Lampoon?

Zach Reynard - FWIW EDITOR'S NOTE: This essay was submitted to Harvard by Carlmont High School senior Zack Reynard and actually got him an interview. Yeah, we'll keep you posted...


I am the single greatest student ever to apply to Harvard.

 

I am by far the smartest person I know.

                                            

I have scored perfectly on every test I have ever taken.

 

By the age of nine I had conducted four symphonies, written seven novels, and earned twelve PhD’s. 

 

By the age of ten I had confirmed Einstein’s theory of relativity, disproved the Big Bang Theory, and discovered the true reason that the dinosaurs went extinct.

 

My Nobel Prize collection takes up three bedrooms, two bathrooms and a large garage.

 

If it is true that the universe is constantly expanding, it is most likely to fit the wondrous entity that is my mind.

 

I have memorized pi in its entirety.

 

I am fluent in Spanish, French, Latin, Mandarin, Italian, German, Icelandic, Slovenian and many languages most are not even aware exist.

 

The rate at which I learn is so fast that I will possess infinite knowledge by the time you are finished reading this essay.

Continue reading "A Career Ahead at the Harvard Lampoon?" »

A Little Bit of Name Familiarity?

By now the whole world has probably heard Christian Bale's profanity-laced rant on the set of "Terminator: Salvation."  In case you haven't, however, here's the audio file .  Make sure the kids aren't in the room.  I did a double-take because toward the beginning of the whole thing he shouts:

  • "It's pretty f****ing distracting to have somebody f***ing walking up behind Bryce in the middle of a scene."
First of all, I don't want this guy coming after me.  Second of all, I think he's talking about Bryce Dallas Howard who's in the movie, too.

READY TO BELIEVE: Free MP3 of Obama Fight Song!

HpzizbLast January, while we were still on strike as members of the Writers Guild of America, my wife Jackie and I sat down in a Los Angeles coffee shop with our good friend, musician Cherish Alexander.

Before the coffee was cold, we decided, improbably given the time frame -- as a couple of striking screenwriters and a singer-composer -- to write, produce and distribute the song you'll soon hear.  It happened over a five day period and we released it immediately before the California primary.

So far, "Ready to Believe" has cumulatively had its video versions viewed close to 100,000 times on YouTube.  Plus, it's available on iTunes.  You, however, don't have to buy it in the closing days of the 2008 campaign.  We want you to download it for free and to send it to your friends.

It was written to stand-up for Barack to the Clinton campaign's charges claiming he wasn't ready for the presidency.  We find that the need for this song is as solidly right-on today as it was last February (only Clinton is on the team now and the argument's being made by John McCain).  It needed rebuttal then, and it needs rebuttal now. 

Please give it a listen.  Click the link below to just hear it.  Otherwise,right-click to actually... we'll say it again... download "Ready to Believe" for free.  Again, you have our express permission to download it and to give it away. 

Download_Ready_to_Believe_Song.mp3

Some have asked for a PDF of the actual lyrics.  Here you are:

Download_Ready_to_Believe_Lyrics.pdf

Here's the You Tube version:

   

Please also visit the web-page of singer-composer Cherish Alexander (http://www.cherishalexander.com/ready_to_believe/) where all the goodies are also available.  She and fellow producer Damian Valentine did an awesome job with this project as you can hear for yourself.

We know the hour is late but if you support Barack Obama, we'd urge you to join us and expose as many people as you can to this song.  Especially Obama volunteers.  We've received a good deal of email from campaign workers who thought it was like an anthemic "fight song" for the cause.  That's certainly what we intended it to be.

Remember to vote.  Even if the polls say he's ahead, you have to vote.  Take nothing for granted. 

Still fired up and ready-to-go for Obama!

Cherish Alexander, Jackie Zabel, Bryce Zabel

No Redeeming Value

LeegoldbergEnough is Enough 

This essay was originally published in A Writers Life. 

I am a big LAW AND ORDER: SVU fan. I have been for years. It's consistently one of the best plotted and acted cop shows on TV. I have used episodes of the show as examples in my TV writing classes here and abroad.

That said, I thought this week's episode ("Confession") was repugnant, pointless, and vile.

It demonstrated what a joke network standards & practices have become. The censorship at the networks has nothing to do with content and everything to do with the ratings of the show and the power of the showrunner. No new show, or one with weaker ratings, or one helmed by a b-list showrunner,  would ever have been allowed to produce, much less broadcast, this episode.

Dick Wolf shouldn't have been, either.

Continue reading "No Redeeming Value" »

McCain's Brows Are More Than Furrowed

Bzcritic At Least He's Ready For His Close-Up

There's been a lot of talk about how eyebrows were raised over Sarah Palin being plucked from obscurity to serve as VP on the Republican ticket.  Now it appears that her running mate (remember him?  the McCain guy?) is having to play catch-up to compete.  In the issues of Time and Newsweek that just came out (September 8 cover date), there's a fine full-page picture of the Senator inside Newsweek and his mug gets the full cover treatment on Time.  Here they are: take a good look before we continue...

Browgate1

As a producer out here in Hollywood, I've studied my share of head shots while considering actors for parts.  While I was looking at McCain to see if he seemed up for the role, it hit me.  The man had all the grey hairs plucked out of his eyebrows. 

Now we always knew that McCain was a gutsy warrior but we never would have thought to apply the adjective plucky but there it is.  Somehow, John McCain got his picture taken for Newsweek and then must have gone off to Time to be photographed for the cover shot.  Along the way, somebody got rid of all those pesky white hairs because they are gone, baby, gone.  Because of our commitment to investigative journalism here at For What It's Worth, we have gone the extra mile.  Take a look yourself and you tell me if we have a Brow-gate on our hands or not?

Browgate2
Above: Newsweek | Below: Time

Look, I'm all for sartorial striving and all, but there is a little irony here.  Isn't John McCain the guy who "approved" the ads that tried to make Barack Obama seem like a lightweight by branding him with the "celebrity" brush and running pictures of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton next to his?  Then this same candidate runs out and plucks his brows for his big Time cover?

Did one of his consultants tell him that the grey in his eyebrows made him look, well, a little old?  Especially compared to his much younger new running mate?  Did the famously irritable McCain fuss and fume before agreeing?  Did the Secret Service have to inspect the tweezers first?  We just ask the questions, you decide.

Here's the biggest question.  If Barack Obama had done the exact same thing before his recent cover shoot, would any of the Republican speakers last night have missed the opportunity to use that against him in dismissive and contemptuous sound-bites?

Yeah.  Probably not.

Oh, well.  It's just another trivial issue that probably won't even make it past a news cycle.

Hair today, gone tomorrow...

Get That Blimp Out of My Airspace!

L1000077_2 My director pal, Lev Spiro, just sent me an email exchange that has to rank as one of the funniest pieces of unintentionally hilarious writing by a bureaucrat that I've ever seen. Apparently, Lev had written Goodyear yesterday complaining that their blimp was noisily circling his house for four hours.  Here's the response he got today:

Dear Lev,
I do apologize for the recent fly over of your neighborhood last evening. While flying at a safe and legal altitude, it is not our intention to upset anyone whose residential area we are flying over.  We  were working on a television show and I do not expect that we will be flying again in that area for some time, and certainly not for a prolonged period. Again, please except (sic) my apology for any incontinence (sic).
Sincerely,
Bob Urhausen
Airship P.R. Manager

Goodyear_blimp Here is the reply Lev sent back:

Dear Mr. Urhausen,
Since I make my living as a television director, I can only conclude that karma is a bitch.  It hadn't occured to me that the blimp was for a production, but that makes sense. Rest assured, the blimp may have been inconvenient, but it did not cause me any incontinence.
Cheers,
Lev L. Spiro

Thank God for Goodyear that they've got the able Bob Urhausen on the public relations front.  He'll make sure the company looks good!

Dear AT&T Yahoo: Why I Really Really Hate You

Bzeditor_2

Last year we received word that our internet service provider SBC was going to take the name of AT&T Yahoo.  We were assured it was just a formality, that we'd keep our old email address and nothing would really change.

Oh yeah?

First we received instructions about how we had to change some of our settings, etc. which we wanted to do but they were difficult to understand.  So we wanted to talk to someone.  That was not fun.  It was almost impossible to get a live human being but, eventually, we did and, with this tech support person on the phone, we dutifully fulfilled all their demands.

Okay, we thought, that was a hassle but now we're good to go.  Not so fast!

Maybe four months ago, we received this email with the slugline, "Message from Yahoo!"

Yahoo_idiots

Continue reading "Dear AT&T Yahoo: Why I Really Really Hate You" »

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