For What It's Worth

Technophobes of the World Unite!

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

For some of us, “of a certain age/generation,” every new tech thing is yet another time we can get flummoxed and frustrated. How often have you opened that new tech device, camera, digital picture frame, or new “smart” phone, and felt anything but “smart?” I sometimes put the “thing” aside, stare at it a few days, and then finally get the courage to open it up.

What often follows, more often that I’d like to admit, is something doesn’t work right. Even learning the so-called simple things, like attaching and sending a photo via e-mail can sometimes be confusing. My favorite is when the only help you can get is online, but you can’t get online because of some connection problem. Or better, when you take their suggestion to call them for help before you return the darn thing. 

Call them? Are you kidding me? Do you really want to be connected to someone who doesn’t speak English all that well, in a far-away time zone. That’s, of course, after you’ve gone through the voice-menu options, and typed in your life story, which when you finally do get someone on the line asks you for all that information again!  ARGH!

The Years of Living Vicariously

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

To some degree, everyone lives vicariously through his or her kids.  The question however is a matter of degree--how much?  It’s normal to want the best for our kids, but when we project our own failed opportunities or fantasies, we may be crossing an inappropriate line. 

That was happening to me when my son’s musical ability blossomed and I was that parent beaming while I taped every performance of his.  Then, when he got his 15-minutes of fame and jammed with his rock ‘n’ roll idol, Chris Cornell (http://bit.ly/ay3IRx), I tried to milk it for all it was worth.  Was that for him or for me? 

We parents need to ask ourselves why we are so interested when we get too involved, or too caught up in our kids’ lives.  I also found myself enjoying--is it vicariously or not--my son’s first romance?  I wonder if my curiosity and pleasure at his relationship is just a projection of my own failures, at his age, with girls?  

Old Dogs & New Tricks

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

I had lunch with a good friend the other day and the subjects we covered really made an impact on me, as I reflected on them. I had just come from a lesson in using social media, where I’m learning the new technologies that are popular in our culture now, such as Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Smart Phones, I-everythings, etc.

While I’m not a total novice, I do admit that every time a new “thing” comes out, it fills me with dread. I face having to learn it, figure it out, and even understand it. Frankly, I did not “get” Twitter at all until my lessons finally penetrated my middle-aged, failing hard-drive of a brain. And that was also after reading “Twitter for Dummies”--and I’m not kidding.

My friend shared with me that he’d heard that every generation now has a six-year shelf life, meaning that every six years, you will be out-of-date and behind the current level of technology. So, his 10-year-old was losing to a four-year-old. It’s mind-boggling the speed of these changes in all our lives. And our children are growing up in the midst of it, knowing nothing different.

My boys don’t tweet, and aren’t interested. They text non-stop and do it at speeds I can’t even fathom. Where did they learn this? It’s mostly all thumbs vs. traditional typing, though their phones have typing pads that are laid out in the traditional way, albeit just a bit smaller. They don’t bother with voicemail, saying that they see who called with the “missed call” function and therefore don’t bother. It’s the same when I call them. They just tell me they’ll see that I called, so they don’t listen to my messages, which I’ve stopped leaving, as I’ve had to adapt to their ways.

Father's Day Is a Melancholy Day for Me

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

Father’s Day for me is now a melancholy experience.  I certainly appreciate the attention that I get from my two boys and my wife.  My younger son tends to make an artistic gift for me, since he’s the artist of the family, while my older one will scribble some sweet sentiments on a piece of scrap or notebook paper, and my wife will usually make me a glorious meal of my choosing. 

While I appreciate all this love showered my way, I also get melancholy over the memory of my late father, who was a wonderful man.  I’ve written about him before, but I want to always keep his memory present in my mind and the minds of my boys.

Writing about my dad for his eulogy was not as difficult as some might think.  My sentiments and praises came easy, just as being such a loving, good man seemed to come easy for him.  He was from that “Greatest Generation” though he didn’t serve in the armed forces during World War II, due to the military deferments because he had just had a son and his particular occupation was much needed on the home front. 

Is Being Right Enough?

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

How often have you made a choice, in which you knew that you were right, yet it turned out wrong? If we, as adults and parents, can do this, what can we expect from our children, especially our teens?  

I still can’t get over the fact that human brains don’t fully develop until their early twenties.  I learned this from a lecture by Dr. Bruce Powell, dean of a local private school, and expert on raising teenagers. So, for teens, their judgments, empathy, and other functions, like knowing when to keep their mouths shut, just aren’t present.  Yet, we expect them to often behave as if they were fully adult. 

Knowing our teen’s limitations is the first step in knowing how to be the best parent you can be. Knowing my own failings and character flaws is further awareness for being that good parent that I’m always trying to be and advocate.  In this regard, speaking from experience, letting go of my ego is often the biggest challenge. 

Can Our Teens Deal With Their Raging Hormones?

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

Teen energy, angst, and anger manifest itself in so many ways. Every day it seems that we read about some teen that has done something unusually self-destructive, and occasionally destructive to others. Columbine was an extreme example of this.  Many so-called “normal” teens tend to use or abuse the ol’ standbys of drinking, drugs, and sex to handle these emotions and changes.  For my own 16-year-old, his reaction has been mostly anger.  The irony is that I’ve found this to be both good and bad. 

How hormones affect the average teen have been studied and documented, but no one really knows definitively their effect since each teen reacts in different ways.  The same is true for most women’s experience with menopause, as my wife has suffered horribly while for her mother it was a blip on the screen of her mid-life. Will has done a little of the aforementioned “standbys” stated above, to some degree. But he’s done nothing extraordinary, over-the-top, or that different from all teens with the possible exception of his recent angry moods. 

The Best Thing About Getting Older Is...Hmm, I Forgot

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

I had lunch with a good friend the other day and the subjects we covered really made an impact on me, as I reflected on them.  I had just come from a lesson in using social media, where I’m learning the new technologies that are popular in our culture now, such as Twitter, Facebook, Linkenin, Smart Phones, I-everythings, etc. 

While I’m not a total novice, I do admit that every time a new “thing” comes out, it fills me with dread. I face having to learn it, figure it out, and even understand it.  Frankly, I did not “get” Twitter at all until my lessons finally penetrated my middle-aged, failing hard-drive of a brain.  And that was also after reading “Twitter for Dummies”--and I’m not kidding. 

My friend shared with me that he’d heard that every generation now has a six-year shelf life, meaning that every six years, you will be out-of-date and behind the current level of technology.  So, his 10-year-old was losing to a four-year-old.  It’s mind-boggling the speed of these changes in all our lives. And our children are growing up in the midst of it, knowing nothing different. 

A Rock 'N' Roll Dream Come True

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

Last night, May 3, 2010, my son's dreams came true! He went to see his idol Chris Cornell at a benefit acoustic concert at The Roxy, on Sunset Blve, in Hollywood, California. With his girlfriend Logan, they pushed their way to the front of the crowd. Cornell was playing acoustic guitar with only a cello as back-up.

At a pause between songs, Arnie shouts out, "Hey, Chris, I have a question for you" and gets his attention, to which Chris asks, "Yes, what is it?" Arnie then shouts, "It's been my lifelong dream to jam on one song with you." Cornell says, "Well, what do you play and do you have a song in mind?" Arnie replies, "I've been playing guitar for 6 years and I want to play Fell On Black Days" at which point the crowd is shouting to Chris, "Let him, Let him!" 

Chris smiles, laughs, and says, "Why not? You could probably do it just as good as me." Arnie starts toward the stage, but Chris says "Wait until we get to the song." Arnie is convinced it's not going to happen. When it came time for Arnie's song, however, Cornell did ask Arnie to come on stage. By now, the crowd is getting into it and Logan is screaming her head off and trying to take pictures. 

Sometimes It Really Is a Wonderful World

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

Many things struck me on my recent trip to the Canary Islands, Morocco, and Portugal, but the children affected me the most. The more I travel, the more exotic the places, and the more I realize how similar we all are.  And the kids strikingly make that point as their faces so often reflect the joys of life--in spite of whatever hardships their countries may be suffering.  To me, that is the hope for the future when I otherwise occasionally get discouraged by world events. 

 

For instance, we went on a camel caravan in a very remote area, an hour’s drive from Marrekech, Morocco.  The 4-Wheel drive vehicles took us to what literally felt like the middle of nowhere.  We arrived at a small village that looked as if it was built from adobe and seemed in ruins. It was actually home to several families, and we saw some young kids exuberantly playing in the dust and dirt, alongside the various animals running around (chickens, donkeys, turkeys, etc). 

Women Do Need Men

Bruce Sallan gave up a show biz career to parent his two boys and now writes about his experiences on "A Dad's Point-of-View" and is the house dad at "Mom Logic."

 There was a slogan in the early days of the feminist movement that went something like, “A woman needs a man as much as a fish needs a bicycle.”  I was part of that generation, that also said, “Don’t trust anyone over 30,” among other things equally foolish.  I seem to remember that whoever said that, about not trusting someone over 30, was a rock ‘n’ roll star that still tours, now in his 60’s.  I wonder if he’s changed his mind?  For my money, the only good thing that came out of the sixties was the music.  I just wish more performers and Hollywood in general would just stick to their craft! 

My former showbiz life coincided with the breaking of the so-called glass ceiling, which was quite real for a long time.  Many women were now reaching the corporate and other hierarchies that had heretofore been denied them.  However, instead of bringing their feminine instincts, skills, and traits to these newfound positions, many were adopting the worst of the existing masculine behaviors and habits.  They were going to be just as tough, just as hard working, and just as ruthless. 

Unfortunately for that generation of women, they woke up one day, past their childbearing years, and realized they’d been sold a bill-of-goods.  They may have had a pretty full Rolodex, but many were lonely, unmarried, childless, while most of their male counterparts had families and personal lives.